Happiness – or rather, what’s keeping us from it
Over my thirty years as a psychologist and personal coach, I’ve observed countless individuals grappling with their happiness. Through this journey, three significant barriers have consistently emerged that prevent us from truly feeling happy.
1. Chasing After Happiness
One of the most common pitfalls is the relentless pursuit of happiness itself. Inspired by Shawn Achor’s insightful TED Talk, “How to Be Happy,” I’ve come to realize that many people mistakenly look outside themselves for fulfillment. It’s easy to believe that a new promotion, a shiny car, or even a perfect relationship will bring lasting joy. However, this mindset often leads to disappointment. The truth is that happiness derived solely from achievements is fleeting. Instead of focusing on external validations, we should cultivate happiness from within.
Think about it. How many times have you told yourself, “I’ll be happy when I get that promotion” or “Once I lose those 10 pounds, I’ll be on cloud nine”? Hate to break it to you, but that’s not how it works. Sure, you might get a little buzz when you hit those goals, but it’s like a sugar high – it doesn’t last.
2. Negatively Comparing Ourselves to Others
Another significant barrier to happiness is the habit of comparing ourselves to others. In today’s social media-driven world, it’s all too easy to fall into this trap. There will always be someone who seems to have it better—whether it’s a colleague with a corner office or a friend who appears to have a perfect family life. This constant comparison can leave us feeling inadequate and empty. Most successful individuals understand that their achievements are unique to them and that someone else’s success doesn’t diminish their own worth. Embracing our individual journeys can help us appreciate what we have rather than lament what we lack.
3. Lacking an Attitude of Gratitude
Finally, not cultivating gratitude can significantly hinder our happiness. Research consistently shows that practicing gratitude leads to greater overall well-being. I have a sign in my office from a wise client that reads: “It is not happy people who are thankful; it is thankful people who are happy.” This simple truth resonates deeply with me. Gratitude allows us to focus on the positive aspects of our lives and enhances our emotional resilience. By shifting our perspective from entitlement to appreciation—by saying, “I appreciate my life and value what I already have”—we can foster a more profound sense of contentment.
Remember, happiness isn’t about having it all or being the best. It’s about appreciating what you have, being the best version of yourself, and finding joy in the journey. So stop chasing, comparing, and complaining, and start living, loving, and laughing. Your happiness is waiting for you – right where you are.
